When I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge a few months ago, I knew this was something I would like to do on my milestone birthday. I never liked celebrating my birthday but I felt I needed to do something different this year. I came up with the idea to celebrate it by crossing the Brooklyn Bridge. Of course, it has to be in New York, where I feel most alive.
There’s probably a metaphorical reason why I want to cross a bridge on my birthday. Perhaps a bridge is a symbol of hope, and everything I had hoped for in life is waiting for me at the other end. Unfortunately, there’s a huge gap between that end and from where I am. And before I reach that point, I need to learn the lessons that not everything bad that happened to me happened because of me. I have to learn to love and treat myself better. I need to learn to be my own hero. Without those lessons, I will never be able to fill the empty void. No bridge will ever be built between those two opposite ends without realizing my life is beautiful regardless of how empty I feel.
Life is beautiful indeed and every moment is a celebration of being alive. But my life hasn’t always been beautiful. It’s been one big struggle and I believe I have faced deep adversities and challenges much more than anyone I know. I have been through abusive and deceitful relationships that forced me to make moral decisions at a young age. I have dealt with life or death situations in the face of childhood cancer. My father passed away without the chance of me saying goodbye and will carry that guilt and regret forever. And more recently, I’ve to face another difficult challenge: my older son’s identity crisis.
If I have to write a memoir, I don’t think anyone would believe a person could go through a series of disappointments and heartaches in just one lifetime. It would put Elizabeth Gilbert’s struggles to shame in her book Eat, Pray, Love but would parallel Cheryl Strayed’s deeply scarred emotions in Wild. But unlike them, I don’t have a bestseller book or any claim to fame. Instead, what I have is a huge reservoir of sadness.
It’s probably right to assume that what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. That’s why I’m still here, standing strong, hoping to fill the empty void someday, and that my life will finally see what’s waiting for me at the other end. But for now, I will have to settle and make peace with the sadness I feel on most days, thinking it’s all part of life–my life.
**if you are interested, the best site I found for a complete guide on walking the Brooklyn Bridge is by Free Tours by Foot (http://www.freetoursbyfoot.com/walking-the-brooklyn-bridge/).
I absolutely understand your constant pain. It is natural not to mask it all the time. Sharing it with friends does lessen the burden, at least for the time. However, your ability to live and explore is remarkable. I salute you for that. We do pray for your children.
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Oh thank you so much. I always appreciate the prayers. It’s much stronger coming from others. I’m so blessed to have “met” you through WP!
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I cross that bridge every time I visit the city. The experience of walking toward Brooklyn is so much different than the experience of returning to Manhattan. I’ve walking it in all kinds of weather and I’ve experienced something different on each trip. I feel like an astronaut – leaving the planet and returning – with a different perspective each time. Thank you for sharing. I know it’s difficult to share your heart, because it’s essentially in pieces. I get that.
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How wonderful that you’ve experienced all kinds of weather and different perspectives walking the bridge! I lived in NYC for a year while based there as a flight attendant but didn’t do any touristy stuff then. I think I spent most of my time clubbing, lol! What a shame though! 😭
Thank you Sandi for reading! I saw your new post in my email and will read it soon! Enjoy your weekend.
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I met you six months too late. I hope you come back to NYC soon…
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Don’t worry I’ll be back!! 😊
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Can I just send you a virtual hug? And to say I hope in your dark days the light comes quickly. Lots of love
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Thank you Ting! I’m giving you a virtual hug right now 😉
Although I’ve had my share of really dark days, I have seen the light. But the loneliness is still with me in most days.
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Hi boots, I like your perspective here. We always hope for the best, and want “amazing”. But often it seems we get caught up in the waves of where our life takes us; and those events are beyond our control.
So we adapt, and adjust, and make our peace with “what is” while trying to make whatever positive changes we can.
I know you will cross that bridge. And I know you will come out stronger on the other side.
All the best
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Thanks Drew! I always like your perspectives on life. And I’m really hoping that someday I’ll get to cross that bridge and come out stronger.
Hope you’re doing well!
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I hope you find peace and joy…..
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Thank you so much Joy! I hope so too!
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You are a survivor Boots. Keep on walking, keep writing and keep remembering the love around you – in your family, friends and community. Louise x
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Thank you Louise! You always have the most beautiful words! ❤️
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I can relate and am a firm believer that life’s a roller coaster and no one gets a smooth ride. I know you’ve endured a lot and you’re brave to share. Sending happy thoughts your way!
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I wish there was something simple I could say that would take all your pain away. But of course there is not. I love that you are brave enough to write about it. I am still so glad your younger son is doing well. And I hope your older son finds himself and helps his mom on your journeys together. Sending you strength and happiness vibes.
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Thank you so much! Writing about it has been my emotional outlet and it helps me cope with my feelings. I hate feeling this way… 😢
**btw, I accidentally pushed the following button that made me unfollow but followed you right back–just in case you’re wondering when you get the follow notification lol!)
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No worries. I do that all the time too. 🙂 Have a nice weekend.
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And you as well!!!
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You’re in my thoughts ❤️
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Thank you so much! ❤️ I hope you’re doing well…
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